Your partner hasn’t been very talkative lately. He isn’t calling or texting you much, either.
Is he angry with you but not admitting it? Distracted by another woman? Is he falling out of love with you?
If you sense a coldness or distance from your partner that’s affecting your romantic life in the bedroom, it’s likely that it has something to do with the way both of you are speaking and listening to each other. In other words, there is an energetic “block” in one of the most important aspects of your relationship. And it’s putting a damper on the passion.
But there is a way to get the energy flowing again and bring the closeness and physical intimacy back: Do you wish to feel inspired to make love with your partner, not just do it because they want to or because you feel obligated? Would you rather sleep than be intimate? Or would your rather your partner want to have sex more often, and not be “so tired?”
It May Feel Like The Passion Is Disappearing, But You Can Get It Back!
When your relationship was new, you couldn’t get enough of each other. Every conversation, every glance, every touch had undertones of sensuality. Over time, however, things have “settled down” and you’ve gotten into a comfortable groove with each other. Perhaps “a bit too comfortable”.
Perhaps he would rather watch sports or play video games than spend time with you. And you’d rather catch up on Instagram or Facebook jist or read the next chapter in that novel than get frisky.
And when you do end up in the bedroom, the same person is always the one initiating. There aren’t any surprises anymore. You can almost predict when you’ll be intimate, and for how long, and how you’ll feel afterward. (Which is, sadly, not all that great).
But imagine if you could re-ignite that original passion you felt for each other. Imagine your partner looking at you with the same thrill of your first connection, with a fire and desire that let’s you know that you’re the only one in the world that could ignite the passion the way you do.
Many of the couples don’t think it’s possible to have great sex and passion. They think once the fire is gone, it’s gone forever. They think a lack of passion is simply a result of not enough sex, or bad sex, or too much sex. They are wrong!
Because here’s what I know for sure…
“Sexual Problems In A Relationship Almost Never Have To Do With Sex.”
In trying to revive the passion on their own, most couples fall into the trap of bad conventional advice that tries to fix the problem of a lack of libido in external ways. For example:
- Appeal to men’s “visual” nature by lighting candles and putting on sexy lingerie.
- Or entice your partner with a strip tease and taking pole dancing lessons.
- Maybe your friends have given you advice about scheduling “Date Nights.”
- Or you’ve read articles advising you to write love notes or book a weekend away together.
You may have tried all of these, and while it may have injected a little romance into an evening, it didn’t work long-term. You’re right back in the same rut and feeling the same “blah” way. Or you’re left feeling even more resentful for having to do all the work… again.
“The problem with this sort of advice is that it’s superficial and does nothing to solve the underlying issues that are causing a lack of passion in the first place”.
You spend money, you take the time and effort, you do things in bed you’re not particularly comfortable doing in the hopes your partner will get turned on. Your efforts to spice things up flop, because the underlying problem persists. So you cross your arms, blame your partner, and wait for things to change, but they never do. And you’re left feeling even MORE unwanted and frustrated.
The Underlying Reason Passion Fades in Any Relationship…No Matter How Much You Still Love Each Other:
When friends first come to me, they tell me that they haven’t had a satisfactory sex life in years, or that they’re no longer attracted to their husbands, but still love each other. Many couples blame this on what they suspect is a physical problem—their bodies aren’t responding the way they once used to.
The fact is, passion in a relationship wanes not because one person isn’t trying hard enough. It’s not because you’ve been together too long or have have fallen out of lust with each other.
The reason passion disappears is because the positive energy that once flowed effortlessly between you is getting blocked in some (or all!) of these 5 key areas:
(You used to spend hours pouring out your hearts to each other, now you barely listen to each other).
(You used to feel safe in your mutual embrace. Now being close brings up unpleasant feelings).
3. The Body
(There was a time you could turn each other on effortlessly. You enjoyed seduction, exploration and play. Now you feel inhibited in the bedroom).
4. Power (control)
(It’s hard to feel loving and affectionate toward each other when you’re often bickering, criticizing, judging and nagging).
(You’re doing the same few things over and over, in AND out of the bedroom. It has become a routine or even boring!)
Without restoring the flow to all five of these key areas, the problem of ‘lack of passion’ can never be solved in any conscious, or long-lasting way.
There’s no magic bullet solution in the form of a date night, strip tease or sexy lingerie that can reignite passion the way restoring the flow to these five blocked areas can.
Even if you suspect a physical problem, as soon as you eliminate what’s blocking the positive energy flow, the physical problem can disappear.
Bottom line is, you CAN get the ebb and flow of sensuality moving again, and you can do it in a way that is long-lasting and satisfying.
“Small, Subtle Shifts in the Way You Interact With Your Partner Are the Key to a Lifetime of Unwavering Passion”.
When you fix the flow of sexual energy between you and your partner in the 5 keys areas, miraculous transformations occurs:
⇒ The edge of resentment and apathy dissolves and true understanding takes place.
⇒ Suddenly, you feel more attractive and vital around your partner.
⇒ Your partner is more connected with how you’re feeling and what you really want.
⇒ You relax into a delicious affection toward each other, and feelings of desire rise up naturally between you.
⇒ Your partner actually starts to pay attention and get turned on by you, and you’re really into it!
But getting to that place isn’t easy on your own. You may have ingrained habits, false beliefs and misunderstandings about gender differences. You probably have blind spots when it comes to the way you’re coming across to your partner.
And unless you know what your blind spots and hidden issues are, you’ll just end up trying the wrong things and ultimately failing to re-ignite the spark you once had.
The ultimate is praying about this issues and inviting the Holy Spirit to help you. There is nothing God can not do. Sex in marriage is important to Him as any other issues affecting us. Remember He created Sex and it’s for us to enjoy in a godly way.
I hope you are blessed by this write up. Please drop your comments, I would love to hear from you!
Nkechi Harry NgonadiExcerpt from “Communication Mistakes that Kills Passion” by Rori Raye